Im a failure. Yes, I can say this with all honesty. I have failed myself and I have failed my friends that had faith in me that I would do what i say i would. I havent done shit that i wanted to accomplish this year. Im really disappointed in myself. I mean i really want to get this weight off, but I truely dont know what stopping me. I hate myself like this. I hate that i cant walk more than 30 minutes with out by back feeling like someone put a knife in it. I hate not being able to go up and down steps like normal...this is partly due to my knee, but shit its been 2 years. I apologize to all my friends that had high hopes for me...Im sorry I let you down. but alas, there is a silver lining to this dark cloud that is now over me. let me tell you about my trip to columbus today....
I went to columbus by myself. You have alot of thinking time when driving all over columbus. I was thinking about my life...what sucks and what doesnt. You know what...the Sucks part outwieghed the doesnt part. I feel like I should share this with all of my 7 followers.
Sucks: First off Im morbily obese. That means Im a real big fatass in real talk. Sure Im handsome...but that big belly gets in the way of my good looks. This brings me to another thing that sucks. Im lonely. Yep i said it. I decided that today when i went to columbus BY MYSELF. I had a great time but no one to share in with. Ive fucked up the only good thing I had going and now she doesnt want anything to do with me it that way and I wish there was someway that i could make her change her mind. But anyway. Im in a rut with employment. My job is awesome. i work with alot of awesome people. But its dead end. Sure the pay is good but when is that enough. I do the same thing every day that anybody with a tech background could do. i busted ass at Tech for a 4 year degree and most people that do what i do doesnt need a degree. Its really my fault for not going in a challenging direction at college. I took the easy way out and now im paying for it. I was thinking about going back to school and i still do but is it really worth it. I had a talk today with a friend that said that there are jobs on top of jobs in Columbus. Making way more than I do here. Ive been thinking about this all day. Could I leave my old life here behind and move stakes? I dunno. It would be hard but I think i could. It would suck but hey im only 2 and a half hours away. I dunno...but its got me really thinking. Ok now on to doesnt suck...
Doesnt suck: My family. I have the best family. My mom, dad, and grandmother make sure I have everything I need. Without them I would not be where im at today. My dad and mom has worked their ass off for me to have anything I wanted and for that I could not be more grateful. My dad and mom has gone without to make sure I had. Sometimes I dont show it but I want them to know that they are the 2 people that I want to be when I get older and have a family...which brings me to the Suck section haha. Also my grandmother. This year my washer made my clothes smell like they had been washed in the Kanawha river. I dont have the money to get a new washer and dryer. i was going to get a used one. But my grand mother wouldnt have it. She bought me the top of the line washer and dryer. She has done this multiple times. God bless that woman. Next up are my friends. I have some of the best friends you can have. If i need anything...there are plenty of friends that would drop everything and help me out..no matter what. I do have some friends that would shit on you before they would lift a hand. Those arent friends...those are people I know. My job pays enough to afford a nice house..i got a decent car...I got cool gadgets to play with. So I do have a decent life but for some reason Im not seeing it. Maybe Im seeing it through fat eyes. haha.
Well enough rambling. ill tell you about my awesome trip to Columbus. First of all if you are a book reader at all...go to German Village and go to The Book Loft. This place is amazing. they have over 100,000 books. They are one of the largest independent book stores in the nation. But be warned..its a tight fit. They have 22 rooms and each with its own subject. Sometimes i felt like a mouse in a maze looking for cheeze. But seriously, I was there for 2 hours. i was in book heaven. if i lived there...i would volunteer for free. Next I went to Easton. So Im like the only person to get lost in Easton right? Holy hell...those roads are more confusing than downtown charleston. That mall was not for me. Loving the apple store and the comedy club. Other than that...blah. I did pretty good about not spending a lot of money...then i decided to go to the Nike outlet at tanger Outlets. That was a big mistake. I bought 2 pairs of shoes. I havent bought a new pair of shoes for a while. I bought some i wanted and I bought some for the gym. They are light as hell and made for running. And yes i said gym. Ive been putting it off cause ive been sick as hell for 3 weeks...but Im going back this week. Starting out slow but starting out. I think thats enough for today.
Until next time.....
Sully
